June 27, 2012

My gender in two faces

Oh hey there gender blenders,

This morning when the alarm went off I sat up and announced, "I had a dream I was an androgynous person!" I don't remember the plot whatsoever, but I do remember by body being split head to toe with one side feminine and the other side masculine. Having a visibly split gender, one femme grrl and the other dapper/fancy boi felt really liberating--that is the sense I was left with upon waking up: gender liberation.

I don't have a static dream persona--I tend to shift between "actors"/"characters" and am rarely actually myself. So to be myself literally wearing the two faces of my gender identity simultaneously with a body that was still distinctly mine felt like coming home.

Dear reader, you may be asking yourself how it's possible to have two genders. If I'm honest, I have to admit it isn't possible to have only two genders. Gender is always already performative, and because no two performances can be identical in content, it follows that an individual will take on a constant fluctuation of gendered meaning. Identities function a little differently in that they can represent a range of gendered performances; but they aren't particularly stable either, and definitely not satisfactorily inclusive (hence my need for at least two gender identities).

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